Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
