well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
