I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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