I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud