I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.