Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.