so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
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I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago