Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.