When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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