you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize