if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
