he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
