coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
