Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
