i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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