you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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