i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
