last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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