Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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