You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize