I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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