thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
