Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
