the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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