It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
