it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
