We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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