Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
