Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
