it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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