So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
