I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
