fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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