Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's great music for shaving your balls
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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