I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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