we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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