Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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