Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
