is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
