I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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