that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
