Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
