idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
