He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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