oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
