I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
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My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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