i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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