I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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