I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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