nut hugger
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
