She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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