I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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