Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
