I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
