I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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