i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
