Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
