Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
