my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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