eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize