that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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