i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
