I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring