i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.