I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat