remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican