I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!