I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.