my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.