If i come over, it means nothing
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
