i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
