Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would ride that face into the sunset
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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