Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Farmville is her only friend.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
